Warning: Self-pity ahead

So, I swore I was going to blog more often.  Obviously that did not happen.  I doubt anyone was all that disappointed...
So, I had some things on my heart and mind, and had to get it out, and it was just too much for a tweet of Facebook post.
This semester, I am taking a Music Fundamentals class.  While it's great so far, it really makes me sad that music isn't the huge part of my life that it once was.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life, but sometimes I feel disconnected from myself, from the world.  Singing used to be how I related to everything, and that part of me is dead and gone now.  Sometimes I get into a funk about it, like right now.
I wish I had a musical outlet.  I want to go and perform with people, bond through music again.  But that's really just not going to happen.  I have this burning desire to sing for God, but how? Where?  How to I get past this roadblock?  I don't know if my heart can handle the embarrassment of freezing up at auditions, and having to look people in the eye after a total flop.  I know people do that all of the time, but I'm not strong enough to handle it.  There are millions of people who are exponentially more talented than I am, and when I audition, that's all I can think of.  I feel like the moment I open my mouth, people are waiting to judge me, and ask "Who does she think she is? She can't believe she's got anything worth sharing".  Then my throat closes up, my mouth gets dry, and I bomb.  I can't look people in the eye until I know they believe in me.  This is totally ridiculous.  It looks so foolish when I see it in black and white.  I really just need to let it go, do something else....read a book, study the bible, learn to knit...But the problem is, I don't know how to put out this fire.  "It's like a spark lit a fire and it won't burn out".  I tell myself that it's obviously not what God wants for me; if it was, I'd be doing it, right?
Ok.  this is going nowhere fast, as usual.  That's enough whining.  There are much worse fates that I could be facing right now.